The Other Side of the Coin

As girls we grow up learning that our bodies are sacred and that we have to prevent unsafe intercourse at all times as it can lead to an unwanted pregnancy. This most of us follow by the book until we meet our life partner and finally decide to settle down in life. After spending our romantic first night with our partner and subsequently our honeymoon, most of us are careful enough to practice safe intercourse by using different contraception methods to prevent becoming pregnant when you're not quite not ready to start a family.  Finally, when you've got the financial and career stability, you and your partner decide that it is time to start making a baby. As the first step, you stop any form of birth control and prepare yourself mentally and physically to welcome conception. As we have been told by society all this time, we imagine this process to be quick and easy so much so that we even plan the month that we want the baby to be born in.

However, reality strikes us shortly as we fail to conceive in our first month of trying. Despite the negative result, we justify it to our bodies being fresh off birth control and vow to come back with a positive result next month. Yet, does everything happen as planned in the subsequent months? Yes, may be for some of the lucky ones. But, for the others it becomes a period of concern and inquiry. We go on the internet to learn how we can improve our chances and find out that our chances of conceiving are highest when we have intercourse during our most fertile time. So, we go shopping to buy numerous Ovulation Predictor Kits and Pregnancy Tests or start charting our body temperatures or do both. Some of us may even download an app to alert us during our most fertile time. We do this with a heart full of hope that the next month may be the magical one. Research shows that a healthy woman under 35 will have a high probability of conceiving within 6 months to a year of trying. So, we try and try hopeful every month but our hopes and dreams get washed away with the arrival of the dreadful period. There comes the realization that the baby making process is not so easy and worry-free for some as we imagined it to be. That, there is another side to the story that we were not told all this time, that is the Story of Infertility: the pain and struggle of receiving treatments or seeking the help of assistive reproductive techniques to achieve the dream of parenthood.


Our journey begins in this manner and depending on how long we have to try, we would also have to be prepared to answer inquiries from friends and family. Often times, people make judgement calls based on how long you've been married and if you don't have a baby yet or aren't pregnant, prepare to hear some of these common things:

 "Isn't it high time you start settling down?"

This is because they believe you are not pregnant yet because you haven't had the intention to have a family.

"You can accomplish career progression later. Your biological clock is ticking."
This is because they think you are focusing too much on your career and not investing your time on having a baby.

"No  baby yet? Do you plan to have kids?"
Once again, they think you haven't decided planning your life and whether you want kids or not.

"You guys are young, you have time."
Again, some people simply decide that the reason you don't have a baby is because you haven't started planning for or trying on it. They judge that you are probably pushing it back to first enjoy life.

"My advice is have at least one sibling. So, don't waste precious time."
These people have decided for you that you need to have more than one child and because of that you need to have a baby now in order to accommodate for another down the line. In their opinion, you are wasting your time by not having a baby now.

The best one ever:
"You're so smart to not have kids yet. Kids are so expensive. You have no idea how much day care costs and you need to plan camps for March Break and Summer Vacation. These costs add up to a lot. So, do it when you're ready."
These people annoy me the most because they generalize their idea of raising kids on everyone else and conclude that the reason you don't have a baby yet is because you don't want to bear the costs that come with it. If these people had any idea of how much we spent on all the medications and procedures towards MAKING A BABY, they would be astonished!

What they fail to understand is that all of the above conclusions that they have arrived at are simply based on their preconceived notion of Fertility and that none of these statements leave any room for Other Side of the Coin - Infertility and the pain and struggle that some women go through to achieve their dream of Motherhood. As much as the society has progressed with their views and perspectives, Infertility and the Inability of a woman to bear a child naturally is still a taboo topic in any society. And so, most of us who go through this struggle Suffer in Silence and Endure Pain all alone because they don't want the world to classify them as infertile or incompetent. Yet, why do we need to suffer in silence when Infertility is not a fault of our own, it is simply a natural phenomenon in our bodies? So, then why are we penalizing ourselves without seeking the support we so deserve?

It is with this aim and hope that I decided to open up this space on cyberspace to raise awareness on this topic and so that the society will think twice before making judgements about other women. This Blog will be the voice of the unspoken to share the struggles and pains of this long journey of achieving parenthood through assisted reproductive techniques and to create a resource for other women like me to feel stronger, supported and welcome in society.

Feel free to leave your comments below.

Thank you....